Isenberg and Associates

Areas We Help With

On Joy

“There is a river of joy in my heart. It knows which way to go.”
Lyrics by Jane Waskiewicz

Recently, we took a look at our newsletters of the past several years. We have written on balance, living side by side in marriage, work problems, therapy, spirituality and healing, recovering from an affair, seeking soul satisfaction, staying in touch with oneself and anger, among other things. And as we look at all these issues, and the myriad others for which our clients seek help, certain universal truths appear.

We are all seekers. You really can’t be human and not be exploring. We desire perspective, substance and understanding of our selves, those around us and our situation. We realize that we can be better at being who we are, but ultimately, we must be who we are. We seek a connectedness and while we search for self, we also want to lose ourselves in something greater, something beyond ourselves. Maybe it is union with another, a cause, nature, a physical release, a higher power. We have come to believe that achieving that feeling involves a key ingredient: joy.

We all need moments of joy. Joy brightens your perspective. It refreshes and renews us. It allows hope and provides simple insights into our selves, others and our situation. Sometimes, a good laugh is all it takes to clear the head and look at a problem anew. Sometimes, a walk in the woods, a great sunset, a baby’s chortle or a glorious musical passage can transport us and ground us at the same time. Heart-felt joy is a pure integration of our physical, emotional and spiritual energy. To quote, Mr. Rogers, “It ’s such a good feeling to know you’re alive. It’s such a happy feeling to know you’re growing inside.”

Why can joy have such a great effect? Because in joy there is connection. It may be with oneself or with others, it may be with nature or a higher power. But no matter how rough life gets, no matter how mired we get in our feelings or our own problems, when we experience joy, we can take a “breather,” place the issues on a back burner for a while, and be in touch with something else, some greater reality outside of our mundane experience.

If, as Shakespeare saw it, our lives are dramas, it is important to rework our scripts to the extent that we can. We see people who have forgotten how to find joy. Some people are so overwhelmed with sadness or anger that they miss experiencing joy. Others may have been so deprived of joyfulness that they are emotionally flat or cut off from their feelings altogether. Still others may seek joy in antisocial or destructive ways. We seek to help rewrite joy into their lives.

How can we find joy? In different ways for different people. However, first we must be open to it. We are sensual beings. By sharpening our senses we can use our eyes, ears, taste, touch, awareness or intuition to get in touch with joy. Fritz Perls, the founder of Gestalt therapy, said, “you must lose your mind to come to your senses.”

Joy can be felt through the sense of humor. When we laugh at that which is bothering us, we diminish its power to overwhelm, as we make it more manageable. When we share the humor with others, we can tap our collective strength to overcome what is troublesome.

Some people find joy in spiritual pursuits, which may vary from culture to culture. Some people seek silence, other raucous celebration. Within couples, joy may come with a sweeping “lost in love” feeling or from quiet, deep, long lasting sense of abiding love. Quiet or loud, still or moving, joy fills our hearts with pleasure.

As we have said, sometimes people are so lost in their own feelings, they build walls around themselves. It can be helpful to give ourselves permission to “take a vacation” from what is bothering or occupying us. By putting aside the mundane for a moment, a few hours, or longer, we can make room for what is joyous around us. We find connection, a sense of vitality and the feeling of renewal, which strengthens us for the work of living.